Having completed a PhD looking at mothering of infants 2013, I got to look at the history of mothering. These are the fascinating things I found and how the past can apply to our decisions around babcare today.
Over the past two centuries, society has come to expect a great deal from mothers, and mothers have come to expect a lot of themselves. What people have called optimal mothering has changed dramatically over the years. From the early 20th century, a plethora of childcare manuals have emerged telling women how their babies should be efficiently managed.
No spoiling!
The 1920s saw the rise of "scientific mothering". Childrearing was thought of as a science. To raise a “well-adjusted baby”, it was necessary to have a strict and inflexible routine to prevent overfeeding promote good moral character in the infant. John B Watson and Truby King stressed habit and regularity with a minimum of tenderness. Watson told mothers never to kiss and hug their children, and King ordered that babies must be taught not to cry.
Children first
In the 40's and 50's the pendulum swung the other way. In 1946, Spock told mothers to reject the scientific approach and respond to their babies in a natural way. His book was so popular it was only outsold by the bible. It seems his approach was a reaction to his own childhood. The oldest of six siblings, his mother both captivated and scared him, bringing him up with Dr Holt’s recommendation of “less sentimentality and more spanking”. Despite his success, by the 1950s he was suffering from depression and alcoholism.
Attachment theory
The 50s saw the rise of attachment theory. For Bowlby, a psychoanalyst, early experiences mattered. Initially rejected by other renowned psychoanalysts, attachment theory pointed to early relationships as crucial for the social and emotional development of the infant. Over time, many researchers have come to the same conclusion: infants need the opportunity to bond emotionally with their mothers or mother substitutes. Through the 70s and 90s, some very literal translations have appeared. Liedloff recommended continuous contact between the mother and baby, day and night, from observations of mothering in primitive cultures. More mainsteam - Sears emphasised co-sleeping and immediate responsiveness to infant distress.
Mothers first
Despite the general trend toward more permissive mothering, regimented caregiving models including the Contented Little Baby program promoted by maternity nurse Gina Ford remain in circulation and enjoy considerable popularity. These more regimented programs aim to free up women to take on other roles.
How do we make up our own minds?
So what is the right way? Ask any mother and they will have a firm view. The only thing that can be guaranteed is that there will be almost no agreement with the next mother you ask. Why? So many things make a difference to this answer: your baby’s temperament, age, health, your own health, personality, values, cultural context, current stresses, work, family and other responsibilities, financial capabilities, social support, your current circumstances and what you are capable of at the time. And sometimes, we don’t have choice. Things don’t always go to plan. Whatever our path, there can be judgment by others. Opposing viewpoints can often feed confusion and guilt in early motherhood.
There are many right ways. I do, however, caution against the most extreme approach of a strict schedule with set times and no flexibility. This approach does not allow mothers to be in synch with their babies or adjust to their changing needs, and it sets up unrealistic expectations. Our babies are often better teachers than the books and it might be helpful to focus on building a relationship with our baby rather than needing to “do it right”. Recognizing that mothers do it differently, and being supportive, tolerant and kind to each other is important. What works for you, may not work for someone else, and that’s ok.
* Much of the historical content of this article was taken from a fascinating book called “Dream Babies” by Christina Hardyment.
