Mothering and worrying tend to go hand-in-hand. It’s natural for a parent to be concerned about the growth and development of their child and to feel responsibility for warding off any potential threats. Let’s face it, caring for a child on a physical, mental and emotional level takes a lot of thought.
But how much is too much?
First, we need to acknowledge that worry has a place. It is a solid sign that you are emotionally attached to your child. That you want to love and protect them, and that you are a caring human being. From a child’s perspective, this is a definite positive.
But when worrying becomes excessive, it can actually hinder your ability to handle everyday situations, solve problems and enjoy mothering. And that’s a negative. So how can you best cope with the hamster-wheel of thoughts turning inside your head?
The challenge lies in recognising the degree of worry that will let you care for your child without impacting negatively on your own mental health and that of others.
To start with, it may be helpful to stop and ask yourself:
1. Is this the worst possible outcome I’m imagining? Sometimes just noticing when your thoughts slip from realistic concerns into unlikely scenarios can be enough to gain some perspective.
2. If the worst did happen, would worrying about it now help me? It is useful to acknowledge that worrying in itself will not solve a potential problem, especially when you don’t have all the facts.
3. Am I looking too far ahead? You may have a vision of the future you want for your child … but there are so many factors you cannot know years in advance. When your child is young, it’s hard to imagine that they will ever be less dependent, less vulnerable and more resilient.
4. Is there one thought persisting? If so, it may help to examine it in more detail. You may be spending 100% of the time focusing on a scenario that has a 2% chance of happening.
5. Am I worrying about worrying? Remember that worrying is natural. Try and observe these thoughts as they come and go, while not judging yourself.
6. Can I distract my mind with other things? It may be useful to involve yourself in another activity to help worrying thoughts pass. Listening to music or audiobooks, exercising, or engaging in some active learning, achievement-based task can be helpful.
If your worries really start to take hold and impact on your life, we can help. At Cloudberry Clinic, we use a range of psychological techniques that will help bring you back to the here and now, and let you develop a healthy balance for your mothering journey.
